


Could've, Would've, Should've (Maybe Maybe Maybe)

by thesoapgod



Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-18 22:42:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20199370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesoapgod/pseuds/thesoapgod
Summary: "It's nothing. I'll always be there for you, ya know that?"She wants to say something, damn it, something before the moment slips away and she's left hanging."Yeah, I know."She'll kick herself for this minutes later, and it's a missed chance she'll regret years after.Or:Carol Danvers stumbles back to Louisiana, fire in her hands and Maria's name on her lips. Only, she's not there like she usually is.





	Could've, Would've, Should've (Maybe Maybe Maybe)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at two in the morning sue me

Carol Danvers stumbles back to Louisiana, fire in her hands and Maria's name on her lips. Only, she's not there like she usually is.

\--

"Name's Carol." 

She tosses the taller woman a lazy smile, gripping her hand a tad bit too long. 

The woman grins at her, the same fire in her eyes and it's apparent in the way she smiles back with a southern drawl;

"Name's Maria." 

And somewhere, deep down, Carol finally feels the Earth shift on its axis and begin to spin again.

\--

It's midnight, Carol's ears are ringing in her head but the excitement of her first flight still hasn't completely worn off and when they finally stumble back to the barracks Carol whispers,

"Thanks for cheering me on."

Maria pauses to look at her, pride and joy and a little bit of something else Carol can't place, maybe it's the alcohol or maybe it's the way she feels lightheaded whenever Maria looks at her this way, so soft and so vulnerable that it takes every shred of self-restraint to not kiss her on the spot.

Carol almost does.

"It's nothing. I'll always be there for you, ya know that?" 

She wants to say something, damn it,  _ something _ before the moment slips away and she's left hanging.

"Yeah, I know."

She'll kick herself for this minutes later, and it's a missed chance she'll regret years after.

\--

"Frank, this is Carol, Carol, this is Frank." 

Her eyes narrow before they widen, and it takes everything she has not to run away. 

What she wants to do and what she actually does are two completely different things.

What she wants to do is to fist her hands in Maria's collar to drag her down and kiss her, to hold her close and promise her the world, that all she needs is her.

Instead, she chokes out, "Hi." It's the most rational thing Carol Danvers ever done and she feels sick.

The disinterested glance Frank barely gives her is enough to convince her to run away.

\--

New York is an okay place. It's not great, by her standards, but it's not too shoddy either.

She goes back to college and gets a job teaching astronomy. 

Life is not bad, but deep down she knows the old her would be disappointed.

\--

Carol gets the invitation two years later and when she sees the fine gold print inked on expensive card, she feels, surprisingly, nothing. 

She cries herself to sleep afterwards.

\--

She hasn't seen Maria in six years and when she does, she's getting married. To Frank.

She supposes she should feel sadness, jealousy, anger, even, but all she is capable of feeling is regret. An all-encompassing regret. She's been feeling this way for quite a while now.

So she stays.

When the officiant asks, "If anyone objects to this union, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." Carol nearly says something. She probably should've. But instead, she bites her tongue and does what the old Carol Danvers would never have done.

She winces as Frank kisses his new wife and feels a little sick afterwards.

When Maria sits beside her at the reception, she shies away from her touch. It's been a while.

"You came." It's not a question, not an accusation, it's simply a statement. The cold, hard truth.

"Yeah, I did." Even her own voice sounds weird and nasal to herself. "Least I could do, I suppose." She says with a shrug, trying to keep the tone light, but the damage is done and there's nothing they can do anymore.

"D'you wish things had turned out differently?" Maria's voice is wistful, and through all the unshed tears Carol can catch just the tiniest hint of regret. Tiny is enough for her.

"You asking me?" _Or_ _yourself_, she wants to say. Carol Danvers of old probably would've, but all that is left of her is gone with the wind.

"Yeah."

Carol knows the answer well even before Maria's asked it. 

"Definitely." 

\--

Okay. Another chance.

"Thanks for cheering me on."

Maria pauses to look at her, pride and joy and a little bit of something else Carol can't place, maybe it's the alcohol or maybe it's the way she feels lightheaded whenever Maria looks at her this way, so soft and so vulnerable that it takes every shred of self-restraint to not kiss her on the spot.

Carol does, in fact. 

She drags Maria down to kiss her hard and Carol feels her heart and her head soar higher than she ever did in the cockpit of her fighter jet when Maria responds with the same force. 

Sure, it's the 80s and it's illegal, but she couldn't care less and it's probably the most _Carol_ thing she has ever done but she doesn't regret it. Not one bit.

\--

Her heart and her head both shatter two years later, when her throat is raw from screaming into that goddamned headset, helpless to do anything when she hears the fear in Maria's voice and she knows she's completely powerless to help when the love of her life was out there in a dying plane, afraid for her life but too damned stubborn to die. 

The last words she hears her whisper into the comms are, "Where's your head at?" And Carol knows it's for her and what hurts even more is that she knows what Maria would've, could've, should've said if they were truly alone. 

So she mumbles into the mouthpiece, "I love you too." 

A crash, a burn and her life is never the same again.

\--

So when Maria Rambeau shows up at her doorstep six years later with no memory, glowing hands but the same old unimpressed expression and the same old name, Carol can't find it in her to move on.

She wishes she did. It's a fleeting thought, but it's quickly chased away when Maria leans against the door jamb, smiles and Carol can feel her legs turn to jelly again. 

Six years is a pretty damn long time and neither woman knows each other as well as they used to.

\--

Carol doesn't say anything when Maria asks her to copilot. It's been a long time since she's laid hands on the controls of a fighter jet.

She doesn't say anything when Maria announces that she'll go with the skrulls. It isn't her place to intervene.

Right before she leaves, Maria turns back to her one last time and asks, "Where's your head at?"

Carol breaks down at that and when Maria catches her, she lets herself dream.

\--

Maria comes back a year later, and Carol finds herself slipping again.

\--

It's another whole six years before she remembers, and when Carol drags her down to kiss her hard, she feels the shattered pieces of her head and her heart slowly mend back together when Maria responds with the same force. 

Both of them smile at the contact and unshed tears finally fall when they both know;

"So you're back and staying for good now?"

"Yeah, I'm home."

\--

Obituary

Carol Danvers is Maria Rambeau's best friend. She'd seen her, stuck with her, been with her at her best, when they were high on the euphoria of living and nothing mattered except for them, when it felt like they had faced down Fate and all its friends and curb-stomped them on the pavement. And she'd stayed with her, comforted her, gave her a shoulder to cry on at her worst, when Life stabbed them in the gut and laughed, when the world crashed and burned around them. 

And so she threw all caution to the wind, because the simple truth is, Carol Danvers will  _ always _ be there for Maria Rambeau.

\--

Captain Marvel stumbles back to Louisiana, fire in her hands and a shell of what Carol Danvers once was.


End file.
